Don't look for the commercially palatable and approved verbal forms.. I don't have the time or the patience to BEGIN to elucidate the short-hand jargon I use to give a substitute for an in-depth description of the architecture that is in its own evolving morphing.. It's better than an alien growing organically from the core of my soul.
It's a hunch that is mostly feeling. The feeling, when intense, does its own impregnation of the subconscious, aka 'Self'. Self sends out the transmission in a symbolic, metaphoric dream, or an explicit command, imperative-ala the 17 Aug 70 'epiphany'. Since my more congruent, maniacdom with Self, the dreams are the mode of transmission-though an red flag alert of profane expressions are sent for the more provocative stimuli. As the dreams reach the level of some articulation, I spew them through this keyboard.
Though socially and culturally indoctrinated in arguments of logic, the dream phenomena has produced the rabbit-hole of adventures, where not even the Devil would care to tread-thereby the nom de plume, 'LucifersHeretic'. It is the experience of the coincidences, serendipities, and synchronicities of being the vessel directed through a gauntlet of improbable adventures, that one day I just turned around and mused about the twists and turns of fate and see the method of the madness..
The meaning of the madness, YOU get. If the shit is that alien and too dense for absorption and digestion, Oh well! Live long in your form of bliss.
As is alluded to in both the Bhagavad Gita and the Futuh el Ghaib, even the most obscure and unorthodox life is better lived than living the agenda that is not yours. If you are the genuine product of your soul, travel well in and with it. If you are an amalgam of externalities grafted on to your articulations for some social accommodation or cultural mimicry, then I would say you are setting yourself up for the existential predations of events and people to be the unwitting curse you have chosen.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Friday, June 4, 2010
'Self' as the socializer
The one thing that is and was determinative to my identity and being was being left to my 'Self'. Self was my main, and mostly, sole companion as a toddler and pre-schooler. Having stair-step elder sisters and a stair-step, 3-year, younger sister facilitated the occurrence by the gender acculturation on us kids. My elder sisters were culturally and socially being sucked into girl/female identities. My younger sister was a pre-articulate toddler.
I had months of time by myself, since my nature and behavior required little monitoring and attentiveness by my mother and others, BECAUSE I was pre-occupied with 'Self'-interaction. This interaction was the surrogate for regular socialization with my age contemporaries. The 'relationship' I developed with my 'Self' became so intensive that not only a social mores expectation was implicitly made, but the focus of the attention was unique to my limited physical realm and the imagination that percolated from my subconscious. The percolation from the subconscious was symbols, mostly. Those symbols were the pre-articulate forms with which I 'played'. In that play and pre-cognition of awareness I had my own self-acculturation with my temporality.
The vocabulary, linguistic forms of expressions and sayings were an unique, idiosyncratic addendum to what was occurring with my carnal associations of family, relatives, and other social associations. It would not be until I entered kindergarten that I experienced the shocking contrast and needed adaptiveness and flexibility to the external social world. The distinguishment between the external social world and the inner world I had nourished would remain. The distinction between the external social mores of people and my internal relationship with 'Self' would blur under the layers of formal and informal social indoctrination. The serendipity of events, partially effected by the increasing contention between me and the social rules, would bring me back to the solitude with 'Self'. That re-acquaintance would be an involuntary reunion of discomfort due to the emotional distance that had been engendered by my involvement with the social forces of relationships-obligatory and elective. The reunion gave me an appreciation of my-'Self' that had been forgotten and taken for granted in the acculturation of getting-on and getting along in school and with people, in general.
The introspective thought-life induced by my drug intoxications of 1969-1971 unfettered the self as THE virtuous, consistent, and friendly be-ing in my consciousness. That relationship would be reinforced by the events of college, armed services induction obligated by my low draft-number-#36. The relationship would be intensified by the occult factors of coincidence that were part and definers of the experiences during the post-high school and beyond family in the freedom that college and the required military enlistment that allowed for the expanded latitude of my conception and very, esoteric, and idiosyncratic articulating forms of my perception of that on-going experience.
I had months of time by myself, since my nature and behavior required little monitoring and attentiveness by my mother and others, BECAUSE I was pre-occupied with 'Self'-interaction. This interaction was the surrogate for regular socialization with my age contemporaries. The 'relationship' I developed with my 'Self' became so intensive that not only a social mores expectation was implicitly made, but the focus of the attention was unique to my limited physical realm and the imagination that percolated from my subconscious. The percolation from the subconscious was symbols, mostly. Those symbols were the pre-articulate forms with which I 'played'. In that play and pre-cognition of awareness I had my own self-acculturation with my temporality.
The vocabulary, linguistic forms of expressions and sayings were an unique, idiosyncratic addendum to what was occurring with my carnal associations of family, relatives, and other social associations. It would not be until I entered kindergarten that I experienced the shocking contrast and needed adaptiveness and flexibility to the external social world. The distinguishment between the external social world and the inner world I had nourished would remain. The distinction between the external social mores of people and my internal relationship with 'Self' would blur under the layers of formal and informal social indoctrination. The serendipity of events, partially effected by the increasing contention between me and the social rules, would bring me back to the solitude with 'Self'. That re-acquaintance would be an involuntary reunion of discomfort due to the emotional distance that had been engendered by my involvement with the social forces of relationships-obligatory and elective. The reunion gave me an appreciation of my-'Self' that had been forgotten and taken for granted in the acculturation of getting-on and getting along in school and with people, in general.
The introspective thought-life induced by my drug intoxications of 1969-1971 unfettered the self as THE virtuous, consistent, and friendly be-ing in my consciousness. That relationship would be reinforced by the events of college, armed services induction obligated by my low draft-number-#36. The relationship would be intensified by the occult factors of coincidence that were part and definers of the experiences during the post-high school and beyond family in the freedom that college and the required military enlistment that allowed for the expanded latitude of my conception and very, esoteric, and idiosyncratic articulating forms of my perception of that on-going experience.
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